Friday, May 24, 2019

BAD HAIR LIFE

I need a haircut. I always need a haircut. The thing is, I have difficult hair and am usually disappointed after a trip to the beauty salon. I even had a hairdresser apologize to me once when she was done. I wound up comforting HER. I'm not kidding.

My hair is very fine, straight and thin. Absolutely no wave. I always go in with my hair freshly washed and not styled in any way so they can see what they're dealing with. I have a photo at the ready of my new hopeful hairstyle. I even took a live human being with me once to show what kind of style I wanted.

It was my sister, Jacky. She had the "Dorothy Hamill" and it was adorable on her.


The hairstylist took a good look and Jacky left to do some shopping. By the time she came back, I had the "MARK Hamill." No lie.


The woman had given me a conservative, man's hairstyle. When I commented that it wasn't what I wanted, she said, "Sometimes you have to get what's right for your hair, not what you want." She could have mentioned that before she came at me with scissors!

I envied the girls at school with long, flowing locks like Farrah Fawcett's. In the locker room after gym, they shared blow dryers and curling irons while I got my styling tips from Mr Tabel, the shop teacher.
                                     
The next time I needed a haircut my Mom suggested a perm. It would give my hair VOLUMN!  And- oh boy! She said she could do it herself at home.

Yeah. It looked terrible. Just a big old pile of frizz. Because my high school senior pictures were coming up, I went to a hair stylist to see what she could do. What did she do? She cut it all off. I was left with very short hair with frizz on the ends. I looked like I had been electrocuted.

What did I do whilst looking about the worst I've ever looked in my life? I GOT MY SENIOR PICTURE TAKEN. To this day when my husband sees that yearbook photo he says, "It's scary to think you once looked like that." (Don't worry, that's going in my book titled, "Stupid Things My Husband Has Said.")

I went to college, my hair grew out a little and I was back to having a suburban dad haircut.


Oh, and by the way, I was mistaken for a boy several times during this period. A receptionist called me Carl. A girl walked into ladies room where I was washing my hands and immediately turned around saying, "Sorry! I thought this was the girls room." And on and on...

Anyway, when my hair finally got long enough, someone suggested a body wave. "It's not a perm! It gives your hair body." What a little liar. I was back to being a frizz head. This time I tried to learn how to style it. The thing is, my hair had so MUCH volumn that when I curled it, it came out BIG. Think Dolly Parton. Now think about Dolly Parton's hair, you perv.


Remember, at that time, every girl had sleek, shiny hair like Ali MacGraw in Love Story. *sigh* Every girl but me.


So you can see why I put off getting my hair cut. My husband knows when he comes home and I'm under the covers, wearing a hat, I went to the salon that day and I'm gonna need some space.

I guess it's my destiny to have bad hair. But, shoot, I'm ever hopeful. I have yet another photo to show the miracle worker I'm hoping to find this time. The results couldn't be any worse than what I've already experienced, right?

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