Saturday, September 27, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me!


Note: See that little girl, top, left? I got a present in the mail from her yesterday. She's a sister from another mother.

I never cared about age. Every birthday was a celebration and the opportunity for something special to happen. But this birthday is bothering me. I feel time slipping away, I feel anxious and antsy. There's something I was meant to do and I haven't done it yet. The problem is, I don't know exactly what it is.

I watch for signs, I try to seize opportunities. All I know for sure is that I haven't done my best work yet and the years are ticking down. If I throw myself headlong into those projects I always wanted to finish, the thing I was always meant to do may become obvious.

I've never told anyone this, but ever since I was a young girl, I've felt special. I quietly watched the world go about it's business as one person after another shouted their importance, tripping over their shoelaces as they went off to boast about their greatness to someone else. I'd smile to myself and think, "Just wait. Have I got a surprise for you."

I don't mean to say I felt superior. Just special. But now I fear I'll waste the gifts I've been given. I think it's time to roll up my sleeves and see what I'm really capable of. I'm scared, though. I'm not afraid of failure, I'm afraid to succeed.

I don't like drawing attention to myself. In fact, I'm becoming uncomfortable writing about myself now. So let's end it here with a promise to myself to work harder, to dig deeper and to face my fears. I have some ideas in the hopper that may pan out to be that one great thing I was always meant to do.

Just wait. Have I got a surprise for you.

18 comments:

Dan Tangel said...

Caryl,
Happy birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy 50th freakin' big mama jamma birthday
Happy "Holy-crap-you're 50 freakin-years-old" to you

How old are you now ?

WOW !!!!

Enjoy. Live, love, laugh

Danny

Dan Tangel said...

Is that Terry Nold next to you ?

In all seriousness- I wish you a very happy birthday. You are one of my most enduring and dearest friends. You have always been there when i needed a smiling face. You may think that you have
been watching as time goes by but your freinds all know better.You have put others ahead of you and that, my freind, is more of an accomplishemnt and feat of greatness than a lot of us have experienced. All my love to that cutie I grew up next door to.

Danny

Anonymous said...

hmmm....sounds like maybe you're going to write a novel???? That would be awesome.

Happy birthday, Caryl. (Anne's next, then me - yikes!!!)

-Lori

caryl said...

dan tangel: I think you're mistaken. Today I'm 35. Thirty-five.

But you got everything else right! Thanks for the lovely words.

Lori: I don't think I have a novel in me. At least, not at this point in my life. But I should be writing for somebody somewhere.

Soul Reporter said...

haha, I got it right. I knew you turned thirty-five today. I'll be twenty-nine, again, on Tuesday. :-)

TaysHarmonica said...

Happy Birthday, Caryl!

I know you're not old enough to drink yet, but I'd like to buy you a Red Vodka Rocket! It's made with chocolate Schnapps and microwaved blue Peeps :-D

Have a great one!

havingfun said...

Caryl - Happy Birthday To You !!

Don't you and your friends look lovely - all dressed up in party dresses !

Is that a Carousel Cake I see there?

One of my "cake memories" is actually someone else's birthday cake. A friend's mother made her a "Barbie cake". One of those with a real Barbie standing there, with a cake and icing dress. I thought it was beautiful --

Hey - It's your birthday, and WE will have a surprise soon?

caryl said...

Such nice well wishes! Thanks you guys. I was bummed about my birthday, but now I'm not.

Yay!!

caryl said...

dan: yes, that's teri!

Anonymous said...

What do you mean you don't have it in you? You most certainly do - you always did.

By the way - look at your face - you haven't changed in 40 years!!!

-Lori

caryl said...

wow, Lori! That's so nice of you to say.

lois meyer said...

Happy Birthday, sweetie! I am the mother of some awesome 50-year-old daughters - with one more to come! You have always been unique - just like your name. Your talent isn't linked to your age, you have so much ahead of you!

Happy Bithday and many more to come!

Love, Mom

Anonymous said...

Happy B'day!

Hope you've had a fun day.

caryl said...

OK, it's not funny anymore. Stop saying that I'm 50. People will believe you!

Anonymous said...

Hi Caryl, remember the time I said, "you go girl!"? Well, I still feel this way! I'm 56 and learning to play the Irish frame drum - never, never stop trying to learn new things. You ARE special and so is everyone else who took the time to comment on your blog and wish you happy birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Jan

caryl said...

You're awesome, Jan. I DO remember that.

Lubiana said...

Sorry I'm late- Happy Birthday Caryl! Don't worry about what you are supposed to do. The Lord will lead you to the right time and place.

Anonymous said...

You can't stop celebrating until the last b-day wish is received! Hope you have a great week! Your NE buddy!