Monday, February 16, 2009

Nothing Happens For A Reason

It makes me crazy when people say that everything happens for a reason. How does it possibly make sense when a child is murdered or a church full of people is struck by a tornado? When Christopher Reeves' wife died I decided once and for all that life's events are random. Their son was only thirteen at the time and he had already lost his Dad. He needed his Mom. Senseless!

I found out today that my neighbor's cancer has spread throughout her body. Though we all have been hopeful and were thrilled to hear two weeks ago that her tumors were shrinking, today all hope is gone. She's dying.

She's 54 and has a husband and a 15 year old son. They're devastated. During one of my visits to see her when we first found out about the cancer she told me she didn't want to leave her boys (her husband and her son). I said, "That's not going to happen." She looked me in the eye and said, "But it could." And now it is.

What do you say to someone who's losing his wife? How do you comfort a child who's losing his Mom? I will never say to them that everything happens for a reason. I'm not sure I can tell them that I'll pray for them, either. What would be the point? There's nobody there to listen.


SD said...

I live by a different proverb:
No hay mal que por bien no venga
(There is no bad from which good can't come.)

I agree with you that bad things happen without reason. However, I do believe that we can make good come from any bad. I don't always know what that is at the time but I have faith that it is there.

My philosophy was put to the test when my father died hours before my wedding. How can this be anything but tragic? However, I do have fond memories of spending time with my dad preparing for the wedding. I spent more time with him the week of the wedding than I had in the previous two years. We had one helluva rehersal dinner party which I like to look back on now as one helluva going away party for my dad.

Without the wedding, my father would have still had his heart attack, I just wouldn't have had the time spent with him. So instead of feeling unlucky for my wedding day being the saddest day of my life, I choose to feel happy for the extra time my wedding planning gave me with my father.

I still don't believe there was any good reason for my father to be taken from me on what was supposed to be the most happy day of my life but I am happy for the extra time I had with him. Maybe that's a bit pollyanna of me but I truely believe it.

I pray your friend's recovery.

caryl said...

Wow. That's a pretty profound story. I can't believe your Dad died on your wedding day. I like your philosophy, but it's going to take me a little time to come to terms with this.

I don't even feel angry at the Universe, just sad that people have to die and sad knowing anybody could die at any time. You can't schedule it. Of course, I've always known that, but this really brings it home.

Thanks for writing. I really appreciate it.

jerseyirish said...

Caryl, Had a similar situation, my cousin was 54 had brain cancer and a 15 year old daughter. Her daughters Dad was not in the picture. When we realized their was no hope for her we also realized that she had never put anything legally in writing what was to become of her daughter. Her husband went to Pa where we knew he lived last hit every bar until he finally found him. Bought him back to Jersey a couple hours before she passed and signed legal papers to give guardian ship of his daughter to her step father. We were all so afraid that she would become a ward of the state because nothing was in writing. The best advice I can give you is to just be there for the husband and son, listening is a great tool. It is now 7 years later her daughter is engaged to be married. Her step father took the monies that were in her 401k put them aside so her Mom's money would pay for her wedding. She is thrilled knowing her gown is being bought with her mothers love.


Lubiana said...

I'm sorry you feel that way. All I can say is: there IS someone there to listen.

caryl said...

JI, that's a really nice story. Thanks for that.

Lubiana, I knew you would be disappointed, but I just a little time.

SegerHicks said...

I don't think we're supposed to understand why things happen, that's why it's called FAITH. All we can hope for is that the good outweighs the bad while we are living here on earth.

Lubiana said...

It's okay to question God. In the Bible David questions and even yells at God. It's okay to have it out with Him. He understands. I pray you can work through this. Remember- sometimes things happen because not only is there a God, but a devil too.