Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Beware The Homeowner's Association!

"You can't do that!"

Anyone thinking about moving to the suburbs (*ahem*...CW!) needs to know whether or not the neighborhood has a Homeowner's Association. And then you need to find out if my neighbor, Liz, lives there. If she does-run, baby, run!

Liz calls our Homeowner's Association over the tiniest of infractions. One house had a basketball hoop without a net way up in their driveway, in a cul-de-sac. Nobody could see it, still Liz made her complaint and that house received a threatening letter. Another neighbor tucked his boat so close to his garage that you had to strain your neck, looking up the driveway to see it. Liz made her call to complain and the boat was moved. In fact, the entire family moved because they were fed up.

We've gotten letters complaining about situations that didn't even exist at our house. About a month after we had our house painted, we received notice that one side of our house was covered with mold., it wasn't.

The latest letter informed us that we had to replace a tree we had just taken down (it was dead) because each property is required to have two trees in the front yard. The last time we looked, we still had three!

Then I remembered the day we were in the front yard, chopping up the branches into a manageable size when Liz drove by. She slowed to a crawl and took a good, long look at the tree stump and piles of branches. She probably went directly to the phone where she must have the Homeowner's Association on speed dial.

When we called to discuss the tree situation, we were told to worry about planting another one. In fact, they said we could even leave the stump if we wanted to. BUT they said we were supposed to ask permission first before cutting the dead tree down. *sigh*

I've thought of all the things I could place on top of the stump to annoy my good buddy Liz. A particularly gaudy garden gnome? A sign that reads, "Get another hobby!" Perhaps a sculpture of a hand giving the finger? Oh, oh! A small model of an old junker car up on blocks?

Do any of you have to deal with an effing Homeowner's Association?


Lubiana said...

I don't but I know a friend in Georgia who does. She just bought the place less then a year ago and she's already been through it with the Homeowner's Association.

Chicken & Waffles said...

As part of a co-op, owners are all part of a shareholder's association...which as an apartment owner, I am part of. Compared to the intrigues, politics and in-fighting of our shareholder's association and co-op Board of Directors, the KGB looks like The Osmond Family.

Anonymous said...

No, I just have to deal with watching the neighbors sell drugs out in front of my house, and look at the broken windows, deteriorating houses and trash in the yards of both my next door neighbors houses. I am tired of not being able to take walks in the evening because it's not safe, and not being able to make friends in our neighborhood because we stick out like a sore thumb (we moved in just before the big change happened), and this is precisely WHY we are moving to a place that has strict rules and keeps things in order, you should be glad, it beats the hell out of the other end, if I had kids I wouldn't have been able to let them play in their own back yard, what with the blasting loud VULGAR (it makes me cringe, and I grew up with a father who could embarrass a whole shipload of sailors!) rap music and doing drugs on their back porch.