Saturday, December 22, 2007

Christmas Letter

I always make a big production out of my Christmas cards. I go too far, put too much pressure on myself and usually wind up mailing them out late. Way back when, before I got the gig writing for the newspaper, our Christmas letter was the one time I could pull out all the stops and let the creative juices flow (and inflict the result on a mass audience!).

I've done funny photos, satirical poems, drawings and top ten lists. Recipients of these cards told me they anxiously awaited them each year. That was all the encouragement I needed to dig deeper and try to top myself, pushing my mail-out date back further. I told myself that as long as my cards went in the mail before the new year, I was good.

This year, when the first Christmas card addressed to us arrived in NOVEMBER, my husband started nagging me about the evils of mailing our cards out late. Finally, he announced, "I'm writing the letter myself this year!" And that's just what he did.

There's something you have to understand about my husband. He's an engineer. In school he was taught that engineers can do anything. I'm not talkin' any kind of engineering work, no. His professor told the class that engineers can do ANYTHING. So he believed he could produce a letter as good as anything I've come up with in the past.

And to prove it, he wanted our victims...I mean, our friends and family, to read the letter without knowing who wrote it. Hardy ha ha, he'd show me! Just between you and me, what he came up with is pretty bad. Ain't no way I want people to think I wrote that. So, at the bottom of the letter, I included this note: "So, who wrote this year's Christmas letter? Find out at Caryls' blog, etc..."

If you actually took the time to come here and check it out, THANK YOU!! I promise to give you something with all of my razzle-dazzle next year. And maybe I'll even get it there before Christmas.

Greg's Letter:

Twas the night before Christmas
When Zim’s letter came out
It’s real short and sweet,
We know you won't pout.

We started the year with Greg, Caryl,
Jake, Jamie and two dogs
A lot happened this year
And here is the blog.

Sparky got too old
So we had him put down
Then our other dog Keeper bit Caryl
Now Keeper is no longer around.

Jake left home in October
To live with some friends
They had place in Virginia
When the crooks broke in.
They were held up at gunpoint
Jake saw his friend get shot
He came home soon afterwards
In jail the crooks will rot.
He is now making plans
For the next phase of his life
Thank God he still has one
Despite all the strife.

Jamie is fine
And doing well in High School.
He’s a 17 year old Junior
And he thinks we are fools.
He is taller than Greg
Though Greg claims he’s still stronger
But Jamie just sighs,
“Dad, not any longer.”

He went to London for Thanksgiving
To play soccer over there
It rained and it rained
But they didn’t care.
He plays soccer and guitar
And is great at both
He still thinks we are fools
Despite all that growth.

Greg still works at xxxxxx
And travels a lot
Went to Australia, Canada, Kuwait
And Saudi Arabia this year
And he hasn't been shot.
He goes hunting and fishing
As much as he can
He keeps the freezer full
With wild game for the pan.

Caryl still writes articles
From time to time
But they are rarely published
Her boss is cheap with the dime.

We traveled to New York
Once again this past summer
Jake did not come with us
And that was a bummer.
We saw family and friends
and that's always nice
We love it up there
We wish we'd gone twice.

Greg took Caryl to Calgary this summer
While on a business trip
They were having a great time
Until Greg asked Caryl to strip.

We had Thanksgiving in the Texas Hill Country
With our good friend, Gail
She is a great host
And she never fails

Now lets move on willingly
Into 2008
Who knows what will happen?
We pray it is great!

We hope this made you grin
And did not bring you fright
Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night!

6 comments:

Julie said...

OH come on! Copy it here so we can all have a laugh!

;-)
J.

caryl said...

It's pretty long, Jules. That's why I didn't post it. But, what the hell, you don't have to read the whole thing.

Chicken & Waffles said...

Brava, my dear. I live in envy of your skills!

Hey, I like the Tim Gunn bobblehead. Make it work!!

caryl said...

Just so that we're clear, my husband wrote the terrible poem!

Julie said...

I love it! Totally goofy, and the meter is screwed, but it's kind of cute!

Thanks, Caryl. And Happy New Year to you all.
xo
J.

caryl said...

Everyone is giving Greg the thumbs up on his poem. That's nice! But I still don't want anyone to think I wrote it.